Abstinence: A Leprechaun Story
by Fruitcake
Summary: Mysterious incidents from Faith's past explain all. Muahahahahahahahahaha. CH 3 FIXED!
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I only own the leprechauns.Everyone else belongs to Joss.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's he-ere… the sequel to Coincidence!Please review!And let me know if you're interested in Anya, Giles, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Spike, etc leprechaun stories eventually.Oh, and be on the look out for which chapters you think are based on true stories.If you guess all of the chapters that are real, you get featured in the next leprechaun fic, which I will henceforth refer to as lepfics.

SUMMARY: A mysterious incident from Faith's past.

Four year old Faith Winters was playing with a couple of sticks.They were her only friends.Suddenly, she heard a strange, high pitched, and oddly greenish sound.

"Fai-aith!" the voice called.

"Yes?" she said, making stick number one, whom she called Job, dance around in the air.

A small green leprechaun dressed in a mint green mini skirt and halter top appeared before the little girl.

"Hi, Faith," the leprechaun said, "can you do something for me?"

"Sure," Faith replied."What's your name?"

"My name is Abstinence," said the leprechaun, batting her eyelashes coyly.

"Abstinence," little Faith said out loud, liking the sound of it and clueless as to its meaning.

"Faith, do you know what duct tape is?" the leprechaun asked.Faith shook her head.Abstinence pulled out a roll of duct tape and showed it to her.Faith liked it.It was shiny.

"Faith, I want you to do something for me," Abstinence said."I want you to make a really big stick for me by duct taping your little sticks together.Big sticks are good."

Faith pulled the sticks close to her chest."No," she said crossly."These are my friends."

Abstinence's voice wasn't quite up to speed on the hypnotic level, and she couldn't seem to convince little Faith to part with her little wooden, pointy friends.

Five minutes later, Faith was duct taped to a chair in the men's restroom of Burger King, wearing one of those ridiculous crowns on her head and completely covered in egg nog.She still held the two sticks tight in her hand.

"Next time," Abstinence said, working on her hypnotic voice, "maybe you should do what I tell you to.Now sing the song the little annoying bird sings in _The Lion King."_

Faith complied."I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly dee…"Egg nog dripped off of her face as she sang, and someone flushed a toilet in the background.

TBC… Please Review!!!


	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone who's not a leprechaun, except for Carlos.I own Carlos.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Do you want Abstinence to get a complex because you people like Coincidence better?A leprechaun with a complex is not a pretty thing, so review!

Abstinence's Note: Muahahahahahahaha.

SUMMARY: Another mysterious incident offers insight into Faith's psyche.

Five-year-old Faith Winters was sitting on swing on the playground, swinging happily back and fourth.Then the swing broke, and she fell onto the ground.Well used to such abuse from inanimate objects, Faith simply frowned at the swing.

"Fai-aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiith!" a somewhat familiar voice called.Faith looked around, her eyes shifting nervously back and forth.Last time, she had spent three days in the bathroom before someone untied her, with nothing to eat or drink but the egg nog she licked off her face.

"Hi Abstinence," Faith said loudly.Several other mothers at the playground moved their children further away from Faith.

"What's Abstinence?" one of the little boys asked.

"Why, little Johnny, I'm shocked," his mother replied, glaring at Faith.

"What do you want this time, Abstinence?" Faith questioned, putting her little hands on her little hips.

"Faaaiiiiith," Abstinence said, finally hitting the right tone of hypnotism."I want you to battle the big midget in Indian wrestling while…"

Faith interrupted."What big midget?" she asked.

"…while scratching your armpit with a pineapple."Abstinence looked pointedly toward a big midget who had magically appeared close to Faith.The big midget tossed Faith a pineapple.She caught it.

"Oh," she said."That big midget."

"Wrestle the big midget," Abstinence said urgently.Faith did as she was told, frantically rubbing her underarm with the pineapple as she and the midget squared off.

Faith would battle that big midget for the rest of her life.

"Muahahahaha," said Abstinence.

"Hehehehehe," giggled the big midget.

TBC (assuming you folks actually review and I don't have to spend my time in "family" counseling with the leprechaun because of her inferiority complex.)…

I am the Fruitcake.


	3. Chapter Three

DISCLAIMER: I own Abstinence and Coincidence and Carlos, no one else.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it's been so, so long, people. The Fruitcake has been a  
little busy with the thwackage.com template, which can be viewed through the link in my profile. If you're in the Alliance, expect a  
newsletter soon, and I'll be adding a leprechaun page to the thwackage site  
shortly. Also, if you have any nominations for the first bi-annual THWACK  
awards of crazy stories, parodies, funny websites, or *the vaulted* THWACK  
award for excellence in serious fic, email nominations to  
FruitcakeHQ@yahoo.com. In the meantime, here's a little more craziness for  
you people, but if you want regular updates, I better see some reviews.  
  
Abstinence: A Leprechaun Story: Chapter Three  
  
Six year old Faith Winters was finally happy. Her Mommy was in a very  
good mood, and she'd just bought Faith a brand new dress. Faith was sitting  
on a bench eating chocolate ice cream, happy that she finally had a good  
life.  
  
"Faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith," came a mint green tinged, hypnotic voice.  
  
Faith looked around, her little eyes wary.  
  
Abstinence sighed. She was very sorry to have to do this, but rules were  
rules, and Faith had to learn that she couldn't trust anyone, not even her  
family.  
  
"What do you want?" Faith whispered.  
  
"Who are you talking to, Faithie?" her mother asked.  
  
"Nobody," Faith said, glaring at the leprechaun.  
  
"Faaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith," Abstinence sang. "I need you to  
do something for me."  
  
"What?" Faith whispered, earning another strange look from her mother.  
  
"I need you to streak across the parking lot singing 'All by Myself' and  
spewing chocolate ice cream from your mouth like a fountain."  
  
Faith looked warily at her mother, who had just pulled a vat of whiskey  
out of her purse. Maybe today wasn't going to be such a good day after all.  
  
"Faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith," Abstinence said urgently.  
"Streak, sing, fountain!" Faith had no choice.  
  
She pulled off her new dress and put most of the ice cream in her mouth.  
She ran across the parking lot, her head tilted back, completely naked, a  
very controlled stream of chocolate ice cream soaring from her mouth in an  
elegant arc. When she'd expelled all of the ice cream in her mouth, Faith  
started singing.  
  
"All by myse-e-e-e-elf  
Don't wanna be all by myself  
Anymore."  
  
By this time everyone in the parking lot was staring at her. She took  
the last bite of ice cream, and spinning helplessly in circles, started  
making another chocolate fountain.  
  
A young boy and his mother walked by, and the boy stopped and stared at  
Faith. Then, he threw a penny at her.  
  
Oh no, Abstinence thought, that can't be good.  
  
TBC… if you REVIEW!!!! Ever wonder why Faith is the way she is… all will be  
explained in time. Muahahahahahahahahahaha  
  



End file.
